I don’t know why this is so hard for me to wrap my head around. My work world and being a mother have never mixed and it means all new routines and ways of doing things. Yesterday was my first day back to work after my maternity leave and even though I was excited to get back it surprised me how difficult it was in the moment to leave Baby T behind, then at the end of the day, I had to remind myself that I’m picking her up and the second part of my day was about to start.
For the last few weeks before going back every time I would think about it, it was hard to imagine going back to work and still coming home to Baby T and being a mom, not in the way that I wasn’t looking forward to coming home to her but more that it was hard to imagine these two worlds together. I had to keep reminding myself that when I come home from work she will always be there, I’ll still get to see her and spend time with her every day, I’m still the first person she sees in the morning and the last person she sees at night.
So how did the first day go? Well, I work at a small branch of a credit union as a Junior Advisor, so there was a lot of catching up to do on new programs, getting passwords and my profile all set up again and saying hi to the familiar faces and a couple of new ones. I hadn’t used a computer or my brain that much in a long time. I had all these plans to maybe write a blog during my lunch or read a book but none of that happened, it was a lot to adjust to and take in on the first day so all I did was go and buy a bottle of wine for the evening.
I don’t regret going back, it wasn’t a bad first day, but anyone who’s done this knows the first day back after a little over a year is more overwhelming than anything. The good thing is this past year has made me stronger and more confident and assertive in who I am so I know that just like I had to take it one day at a time as a new mom, I have to take it one day at a time with this new routine. I get to have the best of both worlds working part-time; a few days outside of the house seeing workmates and customers (safely since there is still a pandemic going on) and a few days home with my favourite one year old. We also have a new aspect to the blog as a working mom so there’s a lot to look forward to!