Spilling the Tea on Mom Feelings…

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When we planned on having a baby, I had this vision in my head of what it would look like. I knew there would be a major lack of sleep and days where the baby would just cry and cry, I thought I had an idea of how hard it could be while also knowing it would make my life so much better and brighter. 

The latter half has always been true. Baby T brightens my world every day when she smiles her big toothy grin at me, the endless snuggles at the beginning when she was a newborn were all I ever wanted and she has turned into such an affectionate cuddly girl even as she’s gotten older. 

There are times though where I feel like being a good mom doesn’t necessarily come naturally. I find myself thinking that maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mom, or maybe feeling like I shouldn’t have ever had kids because I feel like I am not as happy as I imagine other moms are. It’s not that I want to feel that way, it nearly brings me to tears every time and makes me feel guilty. 

I don’t know if I can even blame it on social media, I would say I follow moms who are pretty open about the ups and the downs. I think I just assumed I would always be happy as a mom even through the hard times but that’s just not the case. It doesn’t mean I don’t love Baby T or that I regret having her, I can’t even imagine a life without her now. 

I guess it’s just a realization that being a mom is actually even harder than I thought it would be. It’s not impossible to feel lonely even though you’re barely ever alone. The spontaneous and easy going life you led before is over, now you have to actually plan ahead and make sure you pack enough supplies for whatever you’re doing. Time ‘alone’, like going to the gym or to the spa, needs to be carefully planned and timed with babysitters and nap schedules. 

Even when you do have that time, you spent all of it worrying and thinking about them. It’s commonly said that having kids is like having your heart walk around outside your body open to the world that you just want to keep safe from everything. 

These are all things I have been feeling for a while and just couldn’t put into words. Usually it’s after I feel like it wasn’t a good enough or fun enough day for either of us. But every morning we wake up, she gives me the same big toothy grin and says ‘hi’ in the sweetest little voice as I walk in the room. Regardless of how I feel like I’m failing, she doesn’t seem to notice. She hugs me just as tight on the good days as the bad, and gives just as many kisses. 

Even though it’s hard to shake these feelings, she proves to me everyday that she loves me no matter what and makes me feel like there’s no one else in the world who could do a better job of being her mom. I guess I just need to keep letting her remind me of that and learn to accept it as the truth for myself.

3 thoughts on “Spilling the Tea on Mom Feelings…

  1. Love the honesty in your comments. I think you would be surprised to know how many moms have felt the same way.
    As a mama of 2 adults I still wonder sometimes if I was a good mom and I still worry about them. Being a mom never ends no matter how old your children get – sorry about having to break that truth to you 😝
    But from one mama to another (and from someone who knows you well) – know that you are a wonderful, loving mama who is only human like the rest of us and that each one of us does the very best we can.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t even tell you how much we both relate to this! Oh my goodness! I love this post and how honest you are! It will help so many moms! Thanks so much for sharing and just know you aren’t alone in these feelings!

    Liked by 1 person

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