Something I’ve always struggled with is being a confident mom; confident in my choices as a parent and my abilities to give her a good upbringing. There’s days where it feels like everything I’m doing is wrong and doubt all the decisions I’m making, doubt whether I’m good enough to even be her mom. I definitely thought motherhood would come naturally and that I would fit right into the role but that’s not always the case.
Is It Even Possible to Be a Confident Mom?
I’d like to hope it is. There are some days where the confidence is definitely flowing, I can kind of feel invincible like if anything tries to mess with me and Baby T, I would definitely win. The day goes by quickly with lots of laughs and smiles and no friction or pushback. These are the perfect mom days and they do come around, sometimes they stick around for a little while.
But of course with all kids things change and there are phases (I wrote a whole post about phases that you can find here). Whether it’s Baby T having a rough time sleeping or having new teeth coming in, or me feeling the pressure at work and not meeting my own expectations as a mom, wife or for running a household, there’s time when the confidence slips away and that can hit pretty hard sometimes.
What To Do When Relapsing?
I think of these times as a relapse. It’s something I’ve felt before and obviously come out of okay in the end. It feels like a bit of a slump and if I kind of let myself spiral enough it’ll be a few days of just feeling a bit lost and alone.
I give myself time to checkout. My husband, Dan, is really good with spending his own one on one time with Baby T and giving me a break when I need it. He can usually tell when I’m a little off and tries to help out a little extra during those times even if I can’t explain to him exactly what I’m feeling.
Whether he takes Baby T for a bit, or if it’s a busy day for both of us and I wait until she’s gone to bed for the night, I force myself to shut off from my phone, chores and even writing this blog and do something that helps me clear my head. Lately, that’s been bringing out my inner nerdy self and playing some video games on the Nintendo Switch, reading a book, or watching a show.
Taking the time to do this helps me to reset, let go of the low self-esteem I’m holding onto, forget about the things I’ve been obsessing over that I feel like I’m doing wrong. Of course treating myself to a nice glass of wine and a sweet treat to relax always helps as well.
Another thing I do is spend more quality one-on-one time with Baby T and reconnect with her. I let her take the lead with this and choose what we do, because we all know that me planning fun activities and her refusing to do them is not the kind of progress we’re looking for. It’s perfect now the weather is getting nicer in Ontario, she loves to go outside and wandering around our neighbourhood and backyard.
I try to leave my phone somewhere out of reach so I don’t get distracted (this sounds familiar, I might have stolen it from my blog post about Making the Most of My Time With My One Year Old, practice makes perfect I guess). I’ll put some of our favourite music on instead and just enjoy our time together.
Instagram Is Not the Be-All and End-All of Motherhood Standards
I’ve talked recently about making sure that the content I take in on Instagram and other social medias is positive and upbuilding. The moms that I follow (outside of people who are actually my friends) are all moms who are open and honest, even more open and honest than I am if that’s even possible.
An example is Sarah Landry, or The Birds Papaya. I recently came across her profile (after doing my post on My Favourite Influencers) and right away appreciated her candid content. I think the first week I followed her she talked about having a clogged duct and mastitis and I completely felt her pain because I’ve been there, done that about a dozen times.
There are people out there on social media that can make me feel like I’m not alone in my struggles, like I’m not the only mom with low self-esteem and those are the people I actually enjoy following on social media. Sometimes though, I’ll be scrolling through the popular page and come across those posts that tell you what you should and shouldn’t do as a mom, these are the ones that really get to me.
Here’s an example, I saw one of those new trendy Reels saying that when you’re watching your child try to figure something out, give them time to figure it out on their own. I thought, fair enough that’s a valid point. But then it said that when they do figure out not to make a big deal about it or clap for them. Excuse me, if I want to be my daughters in-house hype woman I am going to do that, thank you. I’ll clap when she sneezes if that’s what makes her smile.
In my opinion, things like that just aren’t worth posting or paying any attention to. It doesn’t matter what the person’s credentials are in child psychology, I’m still going to ignore you and raise my child the way I see fit. Sorry, rant over.
I try not to let things like that get to me and sometimes just taking a break from Instagram as a whole and the mindless scrolling through the popular page is the best thing I can do to get out of the slump of low-confidence.
We Get Through It
At the end of the day, no matter how I’m feeling in my abilities as a mom, I am still a mom. I care for a beautiful baby girl day in and day out and it’s bound to be a rollercoaster. In the moments when I’m least confident, I just try to do the next right thing, get out of the slump and get through it. And I always do.