Becoming a Mom Changes You

Becoming a mom changes you. 

Sure, your body changes sometimes beyond recognition. It feels like it’s no longer yours but belongs to your kids for comfort and transportation. 

And sure, you have new fears and anxieties that you never even knew existed. You constantly worry about the safety of little pieces of yourself running around and also worry if you’re ever doing enough for them. 

But you also change in the best way. 

You become stronger and braver by sticking up for what’s best for your kids. 

You find patience you never knew you had to give them a chance to learn on their own. 

You have a new kind of love for something that you never imagined could be so strong and bring you so much joy. 

You’ll never be the same again, but deep down you know you’re more than you ever thought you’d become. 

I wrote this recently thinking about how for the first year after becoming a mother I just felt like so much in my life had changed and at times I only had negative feelings about it. But once I settled in to this new identity as a mom I realized that it’s a part of life to grow and to change. We are never the same person we were 10-15 years ago, we’re constantly changing and learning. 

When you become a mom you change and learn so quickly and take on this caregiver role that a lot of us have never had to have before. The most responsibility I had before having kids was a dog and after having kids these little lives become your responsibility. It can be very overwhelming, but when you really think about the qualities you’re developing as a parent they’re all great qualities to have. 

I am not typically considered a patient person, but not that long ago I turned to my husband and said “I don’t know where this patience with our daughter comes from” (she’s two so if you know you know). His response was, “It didn’t come from anywhere, you’re just a good mom”. 

As moms we’re so quick to focus on our own negative traits that we’ve developed as parents, but for the negative traits there are also a ton of positive traits (most likely more). If you take a minute to think of these changes and new traits as a positive thing you might realize you’re doing a lot better than you thought. You may be becoming a person that is so much more than you ever believed you’d be. 

So embrace it and embrace yourself. You can still bring back some of the old you, while understanding that the new you is amazing in her own right. 

It’s A Girl!

Well, it’s official! We’re going to be a family with two little girls, three if you count the dog. Baby #2 is a little girl and we are so excited. Surprised, but excited. Let me explain. 

Through this whole pregnancy I have been so sure I was having a boy. I felt so different from the last pregnancy and I had multiple dreams I was having a boy. How do you not believe it if you’re dreaming it? I had such a strong gut feeling I was literally already thinking of it as a boy. We’ve had a boy name picked out since we first started talking about kids, and I thought I was finally going to get to use it (before anyone else did).  

We decided to do a low-key gender reveal just for the three of us. On the day of my 20 week ultrasound, I sat in the dark room watching our baby on the screen. First of all, I was a bit sad because with this particular place and the current COVID-19 restrictions I was there by myself for the first time. It was emotional I’m not going to lie. Still, I sat there looking at the screen thinking to myself, “Yep, that definitely looks like a boy.” 

When it came time for her to look, she turned the screen off so I couldn’t see. Rightly so, because if I had seen anything that resembled a ‘you know what’ I would’ve written the answer down in the envelope myself. She turned the screen back on and continued to show me our baby. Then she said, and I quote, “There is the umbilical cord, once it falls off that’s where HIS belly button will be”. So obviously I thought she’d slipped up and that was it, it was a boy. 

I took the secret unopened envelope to the nearest Party City Store. I picked out a gender reveal box (which I can link here) and asked the clerk to please fill it with whatever colour was in the envelope, which I was sure would be blue. I said I would be back in half an hour but would call first so I wouldn’t walk in while they were doing it. Didn’t want to risk seeing those blue balloons before my husband. 

Nearby was a Home Sense so like any woman I went to browse around while I waited. I saw in the book section a Star Wars book. A little back story to this, I grew up with my brother watching Star Wars. I love and have always loved Star Wars and I just happen to be the only one within 100km of my home who feels that way. So I’m of course thinking if I have a boy I will get him all these Star Wars things and he will be my Star Wars baby (without telling my husband who can’t stand Star Wars). Here was this Star Wars book, and I thought, I’m so sure it’s a boy I’m just going to go ahead and buy this. I did buy it and hid it in my work bag so my husband wouldn’t see it and think I peeked in the envelope. 

Fast forward to around dinner time the same day. The box is in our house with the answer inside that we and our families have waited for. We take it outside and set up our cameras to document our reactions. After convincing Adds that the box is not scary, we countdown to the big reveal. Again, I was 1000% expecting to see blue, and what popped out? Well you can probably guess by now it was not blue. 

I don’t think shocked even covers how surprised I was. We were so happy but obviously there’s the realization that you feel like your body was tricking you this whole time. Not a cruel trick of course because two girls is just as good, but like a ‘ha ha I got you!’ trick. 

We both said after, we were happy we decided just to do it the three of us because we took the whole evening to process the surprise and let it sink in. Here’s the thing too, I’m only planning on having two kids. So this obviously means there will never be a boy in our little family, unless there’s a big oopsie in our future (if we do have an oopsie, and you’re my third child reading this in the future I do love you very much but yes you were an oopsie). It was very bittersweet. 

Once things settled though, we thought about all the fun it will be to have two girls, how much easier and less expensive it will be since we already have everything for a girl, and how much she is going to show us that this is exactly how our little family was meant to be. One day we’ll look back and laugh thinking that there was no way a boy could ever replace our beautiful second baby girl. 

Oh and I will teach them both to love Star Wars as much as I do.